me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
