the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
