Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
