fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
