I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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