i was born a porn star she said
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
