Your face is a jimmy john
Nicole vs. Life
Operation Purity has been aborted
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
