Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
