Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
