You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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