he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
