So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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