she woke up with a sticky ear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
