I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
