why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
