just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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