I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
