I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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