Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
