Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
