its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
