It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
