I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
