is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
