All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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