normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
