Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
