he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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