I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
