Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
