your parents love me but you hate me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
