I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
