If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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