I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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