I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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