But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
