puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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