My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
