he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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