My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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