chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
