Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
