why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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