1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
