dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
