i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
