my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
