Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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