Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize