The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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