Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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