i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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