the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
