I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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