i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
