He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
worst night to have a conscience
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
