The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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