She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
