so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My breasts were aching with rage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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