Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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