I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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