the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
