then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
