i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
